Hi you! Have you ever felt like life is running on autopilot, with your days filled with tasks you have to do rather than things you want to do? If that resonates, you’re not alone. This Thursday, I’m sharing a quick exercise that helped me feel more in control and intentional with my time.

In this article, we’ll cover the exercise step-by-step, explore a practical example, and discuss the context in which I discovered its value. Let’s dive in, and good luck!

Exercise

Your challenge for today: avoid using the words “have to.” Each time you catch yourself about to use them, pause and ask:

• Who decides that I have to do this?
• Do I actually have a choice? If so, what are my options?

Then, rephrase your statement without “have to.” Try words like “can,” “want,” or “choose to.”

Example

Imagine you need to go to work today, but you’re not in the mood. When someone asks about your plans, your instinct is to say, “I have to go to work in an hour.” But pause and reflect: Who makes you have to go to work? Do you have a choice?

The truth is, you do have a choice—to some extent at least. You could skip work, but you choose not to—for reasons that matter to you. Perhaps you value your job or the security of a steady income. By acknowledging that choice, you can reframe your response: “I want to go to work in an hour.”

Context

This exercise comes from the book Crazy Busy by Dutch psychologist Thijs Launspach. He explains that people differ in how much control they feel over their lives. Those with an internal attribution style believe they shape their own experiences, good or bad, through their actions. In contrast, people with an external attribution style feel that outside forces govern their lives. Most of us fall somewhere in between these extremes.

Launspach highlights that leaning too heavily on external attribution can have negative effects, such as higher stress, feelings of helplessness, depression, and lower chances of success. It also increases fear and anxiety. The language people use often reveals their attribution style: “have to” signals a lack of control, while “want to” conveys choice and ownership.

Perhaps it’s good to mention: while adopting an internal attribution style can be empowering, it’s important to acknowledge that we cannot control everything around us. Going fully into ‘internal attribution mode’ may become counterproductive or even harmful. Recognize that some events are genuinely beyond your influence, and it’s okay to accept that. At the same time, don’t forget to notice the many things that do lie within your control.

The goal of this exercise is to foster a more internal attribution style, encouraging you to recognize that your actions shape your experiences. Even if it feels unnatural at first, the author suggests using a “fake it till you make it” approach to internalize this mindset. So, best of luck with this exercise. I hope it can help you the same way it helped me 🫴🏽🌱

Source

Launspach, T. (2022). Crazy Busy: Keeping Sane in a Stressful World. John Wiley & Sons.