Every time a loud motorcycle, scooter, or fat bike speeds past me too closely, I feel annoyed, convinced the drivers enjoy startling people. But just a few days ago, a man drove by on a scooter, whooping as he passed. Once again I was startled. Initially, I felt my usual irritation. Yet, I caught myself shifting my initial understanding: Since he was whooping, he probably wasn’t trying to scare anyone—he was simply having fun, like the thrill I used to get from speeding around in go-karts with my siblings when I was younger.

I realized that while I still don’t enjoy being overtaken so closely, I often assume the worst intentions. In reality, they might just be caught up in the joy of the ride.

A Paradigm Shift

Today, while reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I recognized I may have undergone something of a paradigm shift.

A paradigm is ‘a theory, an explanation, or model of something else.’ It’s the lens through which we interpret and understand reality. A paradigm shift, then, changes how we see the world.

In my case of motorcycles and scooters, the facts haven’t changed: Vehicles still pass closely at a fast pace. But my understanding of the driver’s intentions—and the annoyance I feel—has shifted.

Changing Your Way Of Thinking

A quote from the book that stuck with me is this: ‘Anytime I have a relationship problem, my experience is that four out of five times, it’s me, not them, and the key to fixing the problem is getting myself right first.’ I believe it is a great example of turning to your own way of thinking first.

Recognizing that we all operate through paradigms acknowledges the thick layer of subjectivity between the facts of the world and how we experience those facts. When something isn’t going well with a colleague, friend, or partner, it’s helpful to start by asking yourself if you might be misinterpreting their signals. Note that the quote says ‘four out of five’ times, so don’t doubt yourself endlessly if you genuinely feel your perspective is accurate. But being willing to consider that your interpretation might be skewed is an act of self-awareness and maturity. It opens the door to understanding and improving the situation.

Ways To Apply This To Your Life

The below tips are geared specifically to question yourself in relation to others. Paradigm shifts can also occur in non-relationship matters, but I believe they occur most often in our relationships to others.

1. Reflect Before Reacting: Next time you are frustrated or hurt by someone’s actions, take a moment to reflect. Is there another, much kinder interpretation that would give rise to the same situation? Could you interpretation be influenced by mood, stress level, or past experience? Before long, you may find yourself in a paradigm shift.
2. Seek Clarification: If feasible, try asking question’s to understand the perspective of the other person. In close relationships the can prevent misunderstandings and strengthen your bond.
3. Balance Self-Awareness with Self-Trust: Self-awareness doesn’t mean doubting yourself every time. Recognize that the paradigm through which you view the world is shaped by past experiences, and it often serves to inform and protect you. Be open to the idea that you may not always have the full picture, but also trust your instincts when they feel strong and well-founded.

Paradigm shifts challenge us to see the world differently. By questioning our assumptions, seeking to understand others, and balancing self-awareness with self-trust, we can improve our relationships and our own peace of mind. The next time frustration or hurt arises, take a moment to reflect—you might discover that a small change in perspective makes a big difference.🫴🏽🌱

Photo by Martin Martz on Unsplash